The Thing About Failure…

Dear G,

The first thing you need to know about this particular “F” word, is that it is relative. There is no black and white, and regardless of what we were all taught and how we were all graded in school, there is no pass mark. Got it? What, you don’t believe me? 🙂 Let me break it down for you.

Scenario 1: Kid comes from a family of brainiacs. All his older siblings were top in their class and both parents well accomplished in their professions. If said kid comes home with “B” grades, in his family’s eyes, he is letting them down and thus to some extent, classified a failure.
Scenario 2: Kid comes from a family where none of his siblings graduated from high school. Same for both parents. Kid toughs it out in class and scrapes through with “Bs” and “Cs” and ultimately ends up in some form of tertiary education. Success story! Kid is hailed in his family.
My point; failure (and success for that matter) is relative.

I myself am more of a Scenario 1 kid believe it or not. Most Ghanaian parents like to brag to their kids about how great they did in school, maybe to set some kind of benchmark for them. I don’t know. My reality was that while your auntie was bringing home the first prize in physics each year, I was struggling to make it out of the bottom ten list! Let’s take a moment to pray you didn’t inherit the “oh-my-God-what’s-with-all-these-numbers-and-weird-symbols-and-what-do-they-all-mean” gene.

I guess what I’m trying to say to you today is, don’t sweat the small stuff. But don’t get me wrong; you are not allowed to be anything but the best version of yourself. Anything less will keep you up at night. I guarantee it.

Great things come in the most surprising packages and instances. So when you feel like you’ve failed at something over and over again, when you reach the point where the thing you’re pursuing seems to be getting further and further out of reach, take a minute, take a day, a week or even a whole year and just stop to listen to yourself. The voice inside you that knows more about you than you can ever imagine will tell you if it’s time to pursue something else, or approach from a totally different direction. I call it God, some call it fate, destiny and even luck. We’ll talk about that later, but for today, you must always believe that there is a bigger world out there that you have no control over and in which you have a significant role to play that’s been predetermined. Once you find that track, there’ll be no turning back and whatever ‘failures’ you had experienced prior, will suddenly make so much sense to you.

Through it all, I will be cheering you on with bells and pompoms on some days, and other days with quiet pride and satisfaction. No matter who or what you become and how things progress, know truly, that I will always be your number one fan!

Love you always. Angels on Guard.

XOXO

The Thing About Womanhood….. (Part 1)

Dear G,

I have to be honest, I’m dreading us getting through your puberty! I would like to freeze time when you turn 9, then fast forward straight to 25! 🙂 I kid. 🙂

There’s something uniquely special about becoming a woman that I hope to be better able to explain when your time comes. Beyond the physiological changes (boobs, periods and hair all over the place!), you’ll have to work through emotional and attitudinal changes that will be very difficult to define and manage, based on what’s going on in your life. I’m almost 30 as I write this, and I still don’t have all the answers. During your toughest most challenging moments, I hope knowing that I had not clearly defined my womanhood at this point in my life will give you some relief.

So today, I feel I am ill-equipped to talk to you about what it means to be a woman. A lot of women believe they have the answers. Culture also has its definitions. Here in Ghana, our grandmothers seemed to give the “Obaapa” (good woman) seal of approval based on your skills in the kitchen (including ridiculous fetes like picking up a hot pot with your bare hands without flinching! Pot holder anybody?), and your ability to catch and keep a man (be submissive they say; don’t talk back, take whatever verbal or physical abuse he dishes out and keep it to yourself, lay out his clothes in the morning before he leaves and serve him a hot meal as soon as he returns….it goes on and on).

I don’t want to over simplify womanhood to you neither do I want to leave you lost in its sometimes labyrinth-like passage ways. Maybe we should agree to have a fluid definition for it. Something like “staying dynamic and not letting others put up yardsticks for us.” How does that sound? Very cliché I think. 🙂 I guess I’ll keep working on it.

The next 10 yrs will be very interesting for me. Anything new I learn or discover, any ideas that change, I will share with you and maybe they will help you through your own journey.

I’m glad I can give you this front row seat.

Angels On Guard
XOXO

The Thing About Procrastination…

Dear G,

This morning while driving to work, I happened to be listening to a radio talk show where a lady was being interviewed about a business she had set up that was up and running fairly successfully.

The problem?

I had been flirting with that particular business idea some 7 or 8 years ago but in the end, I did nothing to make it a reality. Today, it occurred to me that the success she was speaking about could have been mine. I was bummed.

I do have a very big problem with procrastinating; wanting to do something but putting it off for months and months till I got to the point where the idea or action was buried far and deep in the recesses of my mind, not to be thought of again till something happened to trigger it. Case in point, I got the idea to start this blog even before you were born. To share my thoughts and myself with you, in case something awful happened (still touching wood).

Now if this is a genetic problem, I pray you did not inherit it. Life is too short to waste a second not following through on that one thing that
popped into your head and got you excited and bubbly from breakfast through to lunch!

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Believe this; you are as in control of your destiny as you choose to be. Life will ultimately throw you curve balls and situations will come your way that will take you away from whatever path you choose. The key is to know when you’re off track and to have the desire to get back on. You will figure the rest out before you know it.

Attached is one of my all-time favourite songs, “Get Back Up” by TI. I call it “Psych up music!” 🙂 I hope you like it.

Angels on Guard.

XOXO.

Ps. I am going to try not to procrastinate anymore about learning French. So this December, on my 30th birthday, I will post a letter in French with at least a 100 words! Wish me luck!

 

First letter….

(this post was written at an earlier date)

My dearest darling girl,

I’m full of emotions writing this. I don’t know where to start to be honest. This is something I always wanted to do; write you letters to tell you about me, about my history, and about life and love as I know it.

It’s just after midnight, 7th September 2014. Exactly a year ago I was wriggling in bed from the worst pain and discomfort I had ever felt. And at 6am I packed a small bag and headed to the hospital to get checked. At about 2pm, I was told that your fabulous self was tired of my womb and wanted out immediately!  You were 35 weeks. After a couple of hours of prepping me for surgery, I heard your first cry at 5:30pm…the most beautiful sound I ever heard. Nothing I had experienced in life prior to that day could have prepared me for meeting and falling in love with you. Unfortunately they wouldn’t let me see you just yet because you had to stay in an incubator, and I was strapped to a bed to wait for the epidural to wear off. I slept fitfully. I could hear you in the nursery and I wanted you next to me, never to leave my side!

I must have had the quickest post surgery recovery because bright and early the next day I was sitting up and begging to be brought to you. Early in the afternoon, the midwives gave in and I was ushered into the nursery. You were asleep. I reached my hands in and held your tiny little one. And then the love attacked my heart and carved out a permanent space bigger than my heart itself! 🙂 I cried. Tears of joy that I had brought life to earth, tears of relief that you were fine, tears of fear because all the tubes and machines connected to you were scary, and tears of something close to pride; 1 day old and already such a strong fabulous woman.

The first 24hrs of your life I will never forget. I may over time forget who was there and the series of events. But that moment when I touched you for the first time…that overwhelming sense of pride, fierce love and protectiveness,…those I will never forget because everyday I look at you, I’m reminded of those very same feelings.

This is my promise to you:

I will not always make the right decision for you but I will always make the decision that feels the “rightest”. I will do my best to protect you from unnecessary pain in life but at the same time, I will make a conscious effort to be unprotective enough so you make the necessary mistakes for your life. I promise to commit annually to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be, not only to set an example for you, but so we both learn to be independent in love. I will do my best to be there for you, to talk to and listen to you. Somehow I will learn when to be your mommy, when to be your mother, and when to just be your friend.

I hope you enjoy my letters to you. If nothing else, I hope they remind you that underneath whatever exterior I put on when you interact with me, I’m still just a girl with a baby/child/daughter that I am desperately learning to love the best way I know how.

Like your grandmother always said, Angels on Guard.

XOXO